Palm Trees

The Blame Game Doesn't Work

The road to helping ourselves or others to be clean and sober or free of drugs is difficult enough without assigning blame. Why? The simple truth is that blaming others for our own problems shifts responsibility onto another – we never accept our own responsibility and cannot move forward.

Whether the situation involves a parent blaming the child for ruining their lives, reputation, etc., or the child blaming the parent for being a bad influence, not caring, for not being there for them, or whatever -- the blame game never works.

Addiction is a disease, just like cancer is a disease. You wouldn’t blame someone who has just been diagnosed with cancer, would you? It doesn’t make any better sense to blame someone who is addicted to drugs or alcohol either.

Addiction to prescription drugs, alcohol, methamphetamines, cocaine and other drugs is widespread in today’s society, cutting across boundaries of age, race, gender, occupation or any other characteristics. Treatment programs designed to help addicts recover from addictions are very clear that assigning blame has no place in the recovery regimen. It’s not about making the individual feel bad about the person they are now, how they got in this situation, what they may have done along the way that harmed themselves and others. On the contrary, the purpose of drug and alcohol treatment programs is to give the client the confidence and self-discipline to move forward in their lives free and clear of addiction. 

Where blame really comes into play, and is therefore very destructive, is after the recovering addict returns home. Spouses, siblings and close relatives play a critical part in the recovering addict’s ability to prevent relapse. With others in the home environment constantly monitoring, scolding, watching, being critical or negative, it only drives the recovering addict’s feelings of being out of control into overdrive. This makes a relapse much more likely.

Of course, it’s easier said than done to avoid the blame game. When we were children, it may have seemed easier to blame our brother or sister for who ate the last cookie, or who broke Mom’s vase or left Dad’s golf club out in the rain – the situations are endless – but it only delayed the inevitable. When the truth finally came out, the consequences were worse than if we admitted our own responsibility to begin with. The same holds true with addiction. Don’t assign blame – either to yourself for being an addict and getting into this situation, or to others for putting you in this position, or to the addict for somehow ruining your life.

Whether you are a recovering addict, or close to one, it’s time to get out of the blame game and into a truly supportive and reinforcing way of interacting.